Rantings of the Schitzophrenic Kitty

My thoughts about the NFL and the potential lockout...

2011-02-15T19:13:00.002-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I can hear you guys going "Hey! You're alive?". Right, though I've been surfing channels and it seems the thing that's most talked about is the Collective Bargaining Agreement for the NFL and the NFL Players Association, or NFLPA, expiring in March. Let's break this down: The NFL has a 'pie' of sorts of what is called "shared revenue". Now, for those of you who haven't played Madden's Franchise mode, it's basically money set aside by the NFL that gets shared every year. Currently, the 'pie' is $9 Billion. Now, that's a lot of money, and how it was shared in the current agreement was that $1 Billion was set aside for the owners, then out of the rest, the players and owners got a 60/40 split, with the players getting 60 percent of $8 billion or $4.8 billion and the owners get the rest, or $3.2 Billion. Now, combine that with the $1 billion they already got, and you'll see that the owners get $4.2 Billion and the players get $4.8 billion.

To further this, say we split up the money per team on the owners side and per player for the players side. Now, I know that I'm over simplifying this as that the players portion goes to the union to help pay for its expenses and things and not directly to each player. Each player, given 32 teams and 53 players on each team, not counting inactives, Players Unable to Perform, retirees, free agents etc. it boils down to about $2.8 million per player it's probably less than that given that there are probably more than 1700 players in the union. Now each team, on the owners side gets $131.25 Million from the Collective Bargaining agreement. Now, this is money that they use to cover their costs, stadiums, players salaries, advertising, etc. Now, that may seem to be a lot of money, but it really isn't, the money that's talked about in this isn't really the main part of income for each team. More money is made by selling advertising space, corporate sponsorships and things like that but mostly it comes from the fans. Things like concessions, programs, merchandise, parking and ticket sales help keep stadiums running and players paid to play.

Now, it's been brought up that the NFLPA, that's the union that represents the players, can't find any sort of numbers to back up the owners claims. Here's some news for everyone, out of the 32 teams currently in the NFL.... only 1 is publicly owned and has sold 'stock' in the team, that team, is the Green Bay Packers. And with them being the only publicly owned team, they have an obligation to publicly disclose their financial documents for anyone who wishes to see them. "Well, what about the other 31 teams? Don't they have the same obligation?" Not necessarily, for them, it's an option to publicly disclose financial statements, all of the private teams choose not to since they have no plans of selling stock in the team. The fact remains that the NFLPA has no right to ask for their documents since it would be considered private information, if they disclosed it to the union, they would have to allow everyone to see them.

That's where we stand, the players union on one side, not wanting give up any money and the owners on the other side, wanting more money. And the fans? They're in the middle, I'm sure that we'll find ways to spend the money we could have spent purchasing football tickets and merchandise. So, the longer this goes on, the more money that will be lost to both the players and the owners. The effects of a lockout can last a long time. Anyway, I'm done talking about this. I'll try to post more often with things more relevant to what the original purpose to this blog was created.

Personal Update Time! =^_^=

2010-05-25T11:38:00.002-06:00

As some of you know, I've been saying that at the end of the month, I will be leaving FFXI. Though in talking to friends of mine, I have found that perhaps a change of scene would be better than an outright cutoff. I suppose now I should mention that I have left behind the Hades server and Hyozan for the Asura server. So if anyone sees me there, send me a tell.

In other news, my current job is going to give way to a new one. I mean my job in rl, not in FFXI. Currently, I work for a thrift store that's owned by the LDS church, aka the Mormon Church. That store serves as a training facility to help people develop skills to find better jobs. Which should help, since I was recently diagnosed with Schitzo Personality Disorder earlier this year, if you don't know what it is, google it. The program has helped me have a steady job while I undergo counseling and the like in the hopes that in the future I won't be bouncing from job to job. Before working where I do, in the past 10 years, I've had 15 jobs, 8 within the last 5 since I've graduated college with a Bachelor's Degree in Business. Needless to say, I needed more focus and direction, which I am getting. One of the stipulations of the training program is that the place is just a temporary job, and at most they wish to keep people in for a year, exceptions apply for those going to school, or doing other things to improve their skills or status to get a permanent job. I've been there for 6 months, and I'm already starting to get my name out there again in the job market once more. As we all know, a better job means more pay, and more pay means the more money I have to pay down on debt and other bills.

Anyway, that's just a little status update about me personally. I hope all is well with you, whomever you are who reads this. Leave me a comment, please. Let me know what you think.

Angela Dark backstory, so far

2010-05-17T08:45:00.002-06:00

Some of you may know that I've been writing a backstory for my FFXI character, Angela Dark. Currently is it stalled cause I don't have a good idea to take the story from the current end. Plus, I'd love to thank those that have helped me with editing, I really appreciate it. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.

“Are you Kevin Manning, the renowned scholar?”

“Yes. Indeed I am. What can I do for you Miss?” The man stated, looking toward his visitor. At first glance, he could tell the visitor was a mithra, you could always tell by the cat like ears on top of their head as well as the tail swishing behind them

“Could you tell me the information you have about a certain person?”

“Certainly! My research is available to all. Though it seems you’re the first person I’ve seen in many months. I’m afraid that history isn’t as an interesting subject as it once was. Oh, where was I? Oh yes, who did you have in mind?”

“Do you remember a Mithra by the name of Angela Dark?”

“Let’s see… Angela… Angela… Oh yes, yes indeed, very interesting kitty she is.” The older man said with a smile on his face, an air of knowledge about him, though he couldn’t be more than 50 years old. His place seemed more like a museum and a library than a residence, a far cry from the hustle and bustle of the city of Bastok. His eyes shone in the light as he pulled a book from one of many bookcases. He placed it on a table before sitting down in a nearby chair. He pulled out his glasses and placed them in a well worn spot on his wrinkled face. Kevin looked at the visitor again in an attempt to discern who she was, but his eyes failed him. Not that it mattered to him, he was just happy to have a visitor to talk to.

Opening the book, turning his eyes towards the pages, he continued. “You know, she was in line to be a chieftainess of Kazham…. Though the Mithra there, they won’t say anything at all about her. Nothing spoken, nothing written, it was like she never existed. Simply put, she has been erased from their history. She was a feisty one and a hard one to track down. I was lucky to get to know a Mithra like her, many hours where spent finding out more about her background. Now, what would you like to hear about her?”

“Anything you have on her would be of great help to me. Start from the beginning of your notes if you would.” The visitor said.

“It’s a long story. You sure you got time? I mean, surely you something better to do than listen to an older man reminisce?” Kevin asked with a slight chuckle.

“I have all the time in the world.” came the response.

“Very well… The Beginning eh? Well, it all started in a village called Kazham, located in the Elshimo region….”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On the road to Kazham, two mithra are seen walking a dirt path, dressed in their tribal gear, loincloth, gaiters, gauntlets and separates, colored in the browns and grays of common people of their village.

“Hey Angela, did you hear the news?”

“Yeah, I heard about it, Jakoh, the tournament to choose the new Chieftainess of the village. I take it you’ve decided to enter.”

Jakoh nods. “Yeah, I feel I owe it to Mother to do so. What about you?”

“Yeah, I suppose I could… Though I don’t know if I’d have what it takes to win, let alone lead the village.”

“Well, I would concentrate on getting stronger to win before thinking about leading the village. You may have to go through me to get there” Jakoh said with a chuckle and a smile. The attempt to cheer her friend up was noted as Angela simply smiled back and said “We’ll see.”

++++++++++++++++++++++

From that day, Angela had set out on a journey to strengthen herself so she could win. Her journey took her to a somewhat strange land. It was her first time to Windurst, home of the tarutaru. In her hand, there was a piece of paper that reads “Desire to become stronger? Look no further than Doctor Shantotto’s office. Servicing all races for any and all needs. Doctor Shantotto’s door is always open.” Angela read the paper once more, turning it to the back for the map to the place.

Nervously, Angela approached the modest manor of the highly acclaimed tarutaru Professor, Lady Shantotto. Coming closer, she knocked on the door. “Come on inside, to see where I, the Great Shantotto, reside. O-hohohoho!” said a voice from the other side of the door. Quietly, Angela opened the door and went. The tarutaru, dressed in her wizardry garb, complete with pointed hat looked over towards Angela, with a discerning eye as if to size her up with something of a predatory gleam in her bright, intelligent eyes. Finally she approached Angela to get a closer look. “Now, why are you here? Let me guess. Is it a desire to be the best? Potions and spells I can do, even some that would suit even you. O-hohohoho.” Shantotto said, true to her rather strange poetic fashion.

Angela was dazed with amazement. She stood there, wondering at how this little person that stood no taller than the average mithran child could help her win the tournament. To her, Shantotto looked is if she were but a child, though with an air about her, one of sophistication and experience. She had heard that there were also the rumors that surrounded her and her experiments. Her thoughts were interrupted by Shantotto’s laugh;

“O-hohohoho. Standing in one’s doorway is considered quite rude, though I must confess, most of those rumors you hear are quite untrue. Come and sit, tell me your desire. We can have a nice chat here by the fire.” The tarutaru motioned to a seat that was across from her by the fireplace.

Reluctantly, Angela gathered her courage and never looked back, taking a seat across from Shantotto; the only thing between them was just a small table. Her eyes seemed to stare right into her very soul. Angela found it a bit unnerving at first.

“Please, my dear mithra, don’t be shy, tell me the reason why you’d come by?” Shantotto looked up at Angela with a curious gaze.

“Um, I suppose you’ve heard about our Chieftainess in Kazham… and about how they’re looking for a new one. I… I want to win, no matter what.” Angela said feigning confidence.

“O-hohohoho” replied Shantotto, “I never forget a comrade, indeed I do, she was a feisty one, much like you. I may have something that would do the trick, give your natural abilities quite the kick. Now, my young mithra friend, I don’t mean to tease, but such a brew would be at least 50,000 gil, up front, if you please.” She continued with a smile, holding out her tiny hand, expecting payment. Angela pulled out from her sack a small bag and sighed as she counted up her money.

“I don’t have enough, but please, I’d do anything” She said to the small woman.

“Anything you say? Then I suppose there is another way. Hand over the sack and wait right here, I’ll see what I can cook up for you, my dear. O-hohohoho” Shantotto cackled as she got up from the table, took all of Angela’s money and then proceeded to walk over to her cauldron to brew something.

“W-what are you going to do?” Angela asked timidly.

“Oh dear, my secrets are mine to keep, but for you, perhaps you should sleep.” Shantotto’s hands waved and wiggled a bit as a strong wave of sleepiness came over Angela.

“Sleep spell….” Angela said with a yawn, and then promptly fell asleep where she sat.

Angela awoke back at home, lying in her bed. “Oh, I gotta stop mixing in catnip with warm milk at night” she said with a groan as she got up to face the day. Her friend, Jakoh, stopped by just then, “Hey, Angela, you ready? The match is about to start! It’ll be you and me going at it in the first round, seems almost everyone in the village signed up to compete” She said with a chuckle. “Alright Jakoh, let’s get it over with” came Angela’s response. The two left the house together to face each other in the ring.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Now, you may not know this, but within the Mithran culture. The strongest are always made to be the leaders of the tribes. But these tournaments are not for public display. The Mithra don’t wish for their ceremonies and other matters when it comes to their government exposed to the outside world. They are a fairly secretive race” The old man Kevin said to his mysterious visitor. “Though from an account of a passing Paladin on one of his many visits to the village picks up from there” He said as he pulled out a paper from the book…

“I was making my way through Kazham on a casual visit as I often do. I had wondered where everyone had gone when I was stopped by one of the many mithran children of the village. ‘Please, stranger, come and heal our chieftainess, she has suffered great injury from a fight with a monster.’ At that time I had remembered my oath, to protect the weak. Equally, I couldn’t dare say no to the lovely Mithra, so I followed her into the Chieftain’s room. When I first saw her, she was laying in bed, with bandages, soaked with blood all over her body. She could hardly move, let alone speak. I simply went about my business, using my magical abilities to restore life to the poor Mithra. The attendents checked the wounds, to see if they had healed and escorted her behind a screen where she was tended to and dressed. What a lovely vision she was when she had come out from behind that folding screen. She turned to me and meekly asked ‘Thank you, stranger; although it is not custom for us, but please stay the night, as a bodyguard?’ I accepted the Chieftainess’s request and during the night, she recounted her experience. She told me of a fight with a beast, one that looked like a Mithra, only bigger in seemingly every way possible, taller, stronger, and faster than she could ever be, her eyes had an eerie red glow to them as if she was being controlled by some power greater than her. She could see the fear and hatred in them, the desire and thirst for power. Altana knows how many other Mithra have given in to those sorts of temptations. Goddess be praised that I had happened to be passing through when I did. I fear that she may have died from the beating she had received. But, most importantly, was what she said after telling me of that experience. She told me about a good friend of hers and about how temptation and desire, had led her to meet her fate. At the time, I was puzzled by what she told me. But looking back on it now, I knew why she did what she did. She knew that she had to place her good friend into exile, but by telling me her story, she knew that she wouldn’t be forgotten.”

Kevin sighed for a moment while putting away the paper. “You know, Jaredin, the Paladin that I mentioned, who wrote this page. He became good friends with Angela, without knowing that she was the monster that was spoken of in the Chieftainess’s tale” He looked at his visitor for a moment, “Still wish for me to continue with her story?” To which the visitor simply nodded.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Hey! You there! Mithra!” called a voice from nearby on the dusty plains of Gustaberg. Angela turned towards the voice, looking a bit confused

“Huh?” That was all that the young hume needed as he had punched her square in the jaw. “What the hell was that for?” she growled.

“I’m in training and I need something tougher to fight than these stupid Quadav.” He replied, “So what are you waiting for, put em up?”

“Please, I don’t want to fight…” came Angela’s response with a sigh. “What’s the matter, mithra? Pussy whipped?” The man said with a chuckle.

“Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Angela said as she took a fighting stance. The fight didn’t last long however as once again history started to repeat itself. “N-no. Not again. Not now!”

The hume looked confused as Angela had said those words. His confusion turned to fear as he heard the inhuman roar coming from her. When the hume heard this, he immediately started running for the gate into the city. He didn’t get very far before she tackled him from behind. Like an animal, she started to play with the young hume, ripping at his clothes, taking in his scent. A low growl filled his ears as he feared for his life, his eyes darting around for any sort of savior to help him from his predicament. When he saw no one was coming to his aid, he closed his eyes, resigning himself to his fate. Though instead of killing the poor hume, the Mithra just fainted with a soft moan, collapsing to the ground. The hume draped the inhuman creature over his shoulder as he entered the gates of Bastok. He had to take her to his master, perhaps he’d know what to do.

Angela awoke with a groan, looking up at another Hume’s face.

“Wha? What happened?” she asked.

“Ah, back among the living I see… I assume that you are the teacher of my student’s most recent lesson?” The man said with a smile on his face, one that seemed to never leave.

Groggily, Angela replied “Huh? Teacher? Lesson? Oh… the fight… yeah, you could say that.” Groaning, she slowly got up.

“The name’s Slvr Stryker. I’m the master of the Counter Arts Technique of fighting. I’d like to thank you for giving my student lesson in hard knocks” he said, handing her some water.

“Thanks, I suppose. I’m Angela Dark.” She replied, taking a drink afterward.

“So, what brings you here to Bastok?” He asked.

“Training” She answered, looking away for a moment, eyeing for a door.

“Well, I would be grateful for the opportunity to train you, would you like to join?” he replied, looking hopeful that he would have a new student.

Angela shook her head and handed him the empty glass. “Thanks for the offer, but I will have to pass. But perhaps we’ll meet again someday.”

He just smiled and said “I’ll be looking forward to it Angela. Good luck to you.”

“To you as well.” And with that, she went out the door.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kevin looked thoughtful for a moment as he looked over the next few pages of his book. Then he turned to his visitor. “It was around this time that she found me… A down on his luck scholar, a researcher of the truth so to speak. I never stopped with what was written in history books, I kept looking for more and more answers to even the most difficult questions.” He smiled and sighed “I must have looked pitiful that day, sitting on the street outside the Residential area, begging for spare gil from passing adventurers. I hardly knew her, but she was looking for a personal inventory specialist and I was looking for a steadier paycheck. Our relationship was mainly professional, since she was a new adventurer from Windurst and she needed a Bastokan connection, since it was one of the major cities in Vana’diel. We kept in regular contact through the mogmail system. That is, until she changed.”

“Changed, you say?” The visitor asked.

“Well, her letters became shorter and less frequent, so I had assumed that she had changed or something. I mean, like she had become more distant and depressed. I was concerned, so I wrote a letter to a mogcast called ‘He Says She Says’. And it was through that show that I had the opportunity to meet Ravencroft, the mercenary to find out what happened to her. Time will tell what will unfold. Goddess help her wherever she is.” Kevin said as he closed the book and got up, looking at his mysterious visitor. “I hope that fulfills your curiosity for now. I have yet to hear from Ravencroft about his progress in finding and tracking her.” He said with a smile and a yawn. “She may be closer than you think, Kevin. I’ll be back to hear more about her. It’s getting late, you should rest.” She responded as she turned towards the door. “Perhaps I should, though I do have one favor to ask of you. If you see her… please, ask her to come back, I want to hear about her story from her.” He said with a pleading tone in his voice. “I’ll make sure your message is delivered, stay safe Kevin.” “You too, Miss. May the light of Altana be at your feet” “And at yours as well.” And with that, she walked out the door.

Back to where it all began...

2010-03-03T22:00:00.002-07:00

So Square Enix has revealed the first of its server merges and it turns out that the server I am on currently, Hades, will be merged with where I had first started with FFXI, Cerberus server. This server, what can I say, it has a bittersweet history with me. It is where I made my first friends, first enemies and really got my feet wet with the game. On there I played as a Hume Male named Fronzel, I was determined at that time to make him into a career Red Mage, knowing how Red Mages were in other Final Fantasy games. He only reached level 25 before fallout came to a head. You see, the reason I was on Cerberus was because of a friend of mine in a Final Fantasy RPG that I was a part of on the dal.net server on IRC. Needless to say, a lot of drama surrounded me, the owner and I just couldn't see eye to eye on things and I had to sever ties, which meant that those friends that I had had, didn't necessarily wish to spend more time with me, for reasons that I will not explain here for it is another story for another time.

So, needless to say, those that I have known before are no longer playing FFXI, or at least I don't know at this time as to whether or not they are still playing. I suppose that's good enough incentive for me to make a new start on, what to me seems to be, an old server. It's uncertain about what I'm going to be doing once the merge happens. Currently, three options are circulating my mind: Quitting the game, staying on Cerberus with the people I've met on Hades or moving to another server, most likely Leviathan. Time will tell what happens.

Adjustments? We don't need no stinking adjustments!

2009-11-09T11:05:00.002-07:00

Well, it's maintenance time for FFXI and you know what that means... Job adjustments... Boy, how I love these adjustments. I mean, there is nothing on this planet that causes people to try out jobs than the sheer curiosity of seeing that Square Enix has done to "improve" the job. Now, here's the problem that I have with adjustments: Simply put, they make overpowered jobs worse, or make underpowered jobs even more silly and worthless it seems. See, the way the job adjustments are done, from what I gather, is that Square Enix receives complaints about job xyz or ability abc. If they receive enough complaints, then something is done to "correct" the complaint, usually by adding an ability, adjusting an existing ability, etc. With that said, the true culprit in making these adjustments come to pass is the player base, not Square Enix themselves. People complained about having to wait at the zone line for mobs to go back to their spots, SE puts in the mob disappearing patch. People complained about how Rangers should be more of a "back line" job and shouldn't be with the tanks and other damage dealers on the front lines, SE hands down the Ranger patch that makes accuracy and ranged attack power dependent on distance from the mob and weapon used. See, these "adjustments" basically shift the balance of power towards jobs or away from jobs. The problem is, so many adjustments have been made, that it has caused certain jobs to be the norm for certain things. Take the Ninja sub, now, normally people wouldn't do it until the adjustment came down shortening casting times and some recast times of ninjitsu spells. After that adjustment came, you saw a lot more "shadow tanks" because of people putting ninja as their subjob.

The various adjustments have caused massive changes to the style of play for many people in the FFXI community. And those changes, have caused people to complain, which makes SE perform more adjustments. See, the community as a whole needs to break out of the box about "must have" jobs and subjob combos and do everything they can to bring out the best out of their respective jobs. If you're doing everything you can with your job given all of the traits and abilities that you have, and you still think adjustments are needed, then take a second look before asking Square Enix to adjust things.

Laughing at Addiction?

2009-10-07T14:03:00.002-06:00

As I've been thinking about the goings on in my life, I recall one post made on a certain forum that will remain nameless where someone had posted a picture of a teenager "freaking out" after his mom canceled his World of Warcraft account. Now, this video was followed up by the usual flow of comments of "That was so funny." and "What's this guy's problem?" Yet, if ever someone posted a video of a drug addict or and alcoholic going through withdrawal symptoms, less people seem to laugh. In fact, I would venture a guess that more people would actually want to reach out and help the person suffering through drug or alcohol withdrawal. Why not the same for those going through Video Game withdrawal?

Allow me to get a bit scientific here, now, when certain things happen, called stimuli, chemical reactions in the body are produced, these reactions cause the person to feel good, or pleasurable to some extent, causing a desire to go back to the stimuli over and over whenever they feel down. For some, it's drugs, others it's alcohol, yet others it's food, and for some it's video games. In a game, when you beat a difficult boss, or pass a certain part of a game, you feel a rush, a thrill from it, when your body comes off that high, it naturally wants to crave more of it. Sooner or later, given the circumstances of the individual, the person becomes dependent on the stimuli, causing them to behave irrationally if their needs aren't met. People that have expressed irrational behavior have been on display on the news, robbing strangers for money, robbing houses, even going as far as killing a person or trying to reenact the scenes that they have seen in the game in real life.

Are we still laughing now? If you knew of someone going through withdrawal symptoms, would you sit there and laugh at them? or would you want to help them? I'm just saying that next time you see one of those videos, keep in mind that the person that you see "freaking out" is actually suffering from withdrawal, mainly because the stimuli was taken away from them without a proper replacement. Parents, be more involved in what your children are doing. Kids, know that there are other things to do instead of sitting in front of a TV screen or computer screen, there is a world of opportunity out there. Go for it.

Woah, been a while...

2009-06-05T08:33:00.002-06:00

I apologize that I haven't been able to update this as often as I could. Life got hectic for me in the past few months. First, I lost my job in February, then in May, I got a new one as an Assistant Manager at a local discount department store. My workweek has gone from 40 hours to 48+ which really cuts into time doing other things, like FFXI. Anyway, I wanted to share my thoughts on the recent trailer that came out for FFXIV: Online...

What can I say? Trailers can look very impressive.... That's about it. It definitely reminds me of trailers for Final Fantasy 7. The scenes that look like they came out of a movie, with a 'cast of thousands' as they had said... But, when it came to the actual game, what we saw in the commercials and trailers were just cinematic cutscenes, not the actual game. Little did we know we would be getting the super deformed characters to play that caused some of the fanbase to call for a remake. So by now, you're probably thinking, "But Angela, they said it was part game engine." I've been around the gaming universe long enough to never believe in anything that is "prerendered". Prerendering means that they have taken the time to render the graphics into the demonstration before running it, meaning that it will act nothing like the actual product where rendering is done on the fly. The games you have in your home have nothing that is "prerendered". Prerendering makes the demonstration run smoother and faster. Personally, I want to see actual gameplay. I want to hear more about the leveling and job system. Rumor has it that it may be more like the FF2 game that was never realeased in the US until Dawn of Souls came out... If that is the case, I'm afraid that I'll have to turn myself off from FF14 unless they have made improvements to that broken system.

In other news, I recently was a guest on Elegently Edwyth soon to be out this month, Episode 10, where myself, Ed, FeoFi, Steak, djplayskool, and a few others discuss FFXI then and now. It should be a great show and finally you guys get to hear me discuss things with my own spin. Personally, I would like to thank Edwyth for letting me be on his show, unlike some other lbr hosts that I won't name, it was a lot of fun, a lot of laughs and I had a great time.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hope to see you around.

My take on the recent FFXI bannings

2009-01-24T22:07:00.003-07:00

Well, by now, everyone knows that Square Enix has lowered the ban hammer once again. And I must say, I'm not surprised by the way SE conducted themselves or with the way that some members of the FFXI community reacted. After talking with some people, here is the way I'm seeing things now. The entire situation could have been handled differently and by that I mean it should have been handled better. Now, I'm not one to tell SE how to do their job, but I am one to give my opinion on things.

By now, we've heard the excuses, the following would be my response to each one:

"But some people thought that this was the way the game was designed was to have that loophole"

--Yeah, if it was designed to be that way, then why in so few areas? Wouldn't it be more widely known as well? Plus the fact that perhaps SE would have told players that they can do it. Besides, gaining more items by doing such an off the wall thing. It doesn't make sense for anyone to program that in.

"Square Enix should have just gotten rid of the equipment and not ban anyone"

--Yep, Square Enix should just get rid of the effect of the loophole... What SE did was not only get rid of the equipment, they also got rid of a lot more than that. They eliminated players who would possibly look for another loophole in the code. Besides, SE makes i clear in their Terms of Service the violation of the terms would lead to punishment up to and including permanent removal of the account.

"But SE shouldn't have done that"

--SE has the right to do what they see fit with people who are caught cheating. SE has found evidence in their investigation that individuals were cheating and they were punished. As they say, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

"But there were a lot of people doing it"

--I had to look this one up but according to the latest Vana'diel census back in May of 2008, there were over 500,000 users of FFXI. Not characters, users or rather shall we say, instead of users, accounts. Now take 990, which was the number of accounts under investigation and banned and divide that into 500,000. You come up with that 990 accounts is exactly 0.198% of the total userbase. So, I don't know if less than two tenths of a base counts as a lot, but to me it seems to be a rather small number.

All in all, we as a community have this black eye upon us now. Even G4TV has taken the opportunity to have a bit of fun, and over what...? A video game. Some members of the FFXI community are outraged at SE's actions. It is as if to say "How dare Square Enix ban cheaters!" And from the same mouths come complaints about Real Money Trading (RMT), botting, and other methods to cheat.

WAKE UP PEOPLE! We certainly can act better than that. We have to, if we want to move forward.

Confession

2009-01-12T20:14:00.002-07:00

I gotta go gotta go before I do something stupid, I gotta go, I gotta go gotta go, before I do something lame. I gotta go gotta go before I do something stupid, I gotta go, but I know, I know, that it's too late --Reel Big Fish "A Little Doubt Goes a Long Way"

I have a bit of a confession to make. Mainly about some of the comments I have made on the lbr forums as well as this blog. I will say this, I am a human being and as such will have an opinion. This is evidenced in my posts on here and on my blog. And given the nature of my posts and my opinions, this has given me the label of being a 'prick'. Everyone is entitled to their opinion as well as everyone is entitled to express their opinion. Well, seems to me that my opinion may not be the most popular, there's always some who have taken the attitude with me to somehow prove me wrong or change my mind. Fact is, I don't really know where I'm going with this post. Though I'm just asking the community at large to be a bit more tolerant of opinions that differ from your own. I assure you, I can be a very nice person and easy to get along with. Though, I am, by nature, an analytical person and as such, I tend to ask questions and have a desire to find out more about things. I like to encourage debate. Debate may not change opinions but it will help me along with anyone else get a better understanding of where we stand and why we have chosen that stance....

So yeah, I don't intend to be a prick or a jackass or whatever, I just wish to express my opinion, though I have a tendency to do so with guns blazing. Forgive me.

A look back

2008-10-12T07:14:00.003-06:00

Well, it's been over a year since server transfers were first introduced into the world of Vanadiel. Let's take a look back over that year and see what it has gotten people, in particular the LimitBreakRadio shell on Odin. I can say with a certainty that the introduction of the server transfer system killed many linkshells that were LBR related on many servers. Today, if you were to go into the one on Odin, you would only find one host on a regular basis. Most of those that were a part of mainstream LBR have either found new homes, on other servers, or have gone back to their original server, with notible exceptions can be found, of course. Nowadays you'll find the majority of the shell with lower level characters looking for assistance. I've made the comment before that the LBR shell on Odin could be one of the better help/social linkshells on the server. Instead shellmembers had to see it as recruiting fodder for endgame, I recall that even I was being recruited to be in an endgame linkshell when I was at level 50. The cliques and the recruiting have pratically destroyed the shell since transfers began. I don't think there needs to be any further mention of what these cliques are/were, enough attention has been brought to them already, they know who they are.

In game, I am considering moving servers again, but not to Odin, twice was enough. If anyone has suggestions, I am open to them, the server just needs to be overall friendly with main time zones being US mainland.

Updates

2008-10-03T10:31:00.002-06:00

I was the worst hope of my generation, destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical. I should be allowed to share my feelings, I should be allowed to feel. I should be allowed to glue my poster. I should be allowed to think.... And I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea, if by random whim one occurs to me. But sadly, this can never be, I am not allowed to think. --They Might Be Giants "I should be allowed to think"

It's been a while since I last posted, and I'm sure I'll be editing this more later on tonight. Not much has been going on besides work and life in general, been trying to get back into FFXI again, working on scholar, which is currently stuck at level 5, fun times. I still keep in contact with people related to lbr, mainly because of friendship that stuck with me even after the fallout. Currently, I'm not going to be involved with lbr in any way shape or form, unless someone can convince me otherwise. As I've said before, I consider myself rather open minded, yet I have a hard time feeling like I'm a valued member of a community when it was apparant that there was no value in anything I said or did. I guess all I'm trying to say about the entire situation with lbr was that I wanted respect. It is said "Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, what may be right for you may not be right for some..." And it's those differing opinions that makes this country and our society great. I would know, I've lived in Colombia for 2 years. A place where even being of a different religion restricts you from getting into school, getting a job, or becoming an elected official. "Everybody's got a special kind of story. Everybody finds a way to shine. It don't matter that you got not a lot, so what, they'll have theirs, you'll have yours and I'll have mine. Because it take different strokes to move the world. Yes it does, it takes different strokes the move the world."

Warning against an enchantress

2008-05-25T16:13:00.003-06:00

"The whole damn world is just as obcessed with who's the best dressed and who's having sex, Who's got the money, who gets the honies, who's kinda cute and who's just a mess." --Bowling for Soup "High School Never Ends"

Today I'd like to recount an experience I had when reentering into FFXI after 6 weeks off. I had recalled a certain individual, who calls herself an enchantress, had made an agreement with me months ago that I would fish, give her the gold carp that she would take, sell and use the money to make bait, with which I'd fish up more gold carp. It was months ago, when the fallout, as explained in previous posts, that I had sent to this enchantress 8 gold carp. Now the value of the carp to a NPC would be around 300 gil each, making a total of 2400 gil. I know that sounds like a very trivial amount, which it is, 2000 gil is about how much White Mages request for a teleport in some cases. So it's not that much money, yet when used with purchasing goods, especially cheap goods to make other things, for instance insect ball bait, then that 2400 gil could mean stacks and stacks of bait, an with bait comes fish so it would seem there'd be a cycle of benefit going on.

Recently I had gotten back in contact with her requesting that she'd send me the equivalent of the 8 gold carp that she had received months ago. She downplayed the fact that she owed me by saying that it was such a trivial amount of money and asked why I had waited months to collect. She didn't deny the debt, as she very well could have. Not to mention that she had my main charcter blacklisted so she would not recieve tells. I suppose to her and her millions of gil, 2400 seems to be a very small amount to pay to complete an obligation. I told her that the reason I had brought it up, it wasn't about the money, instead it was about the agreement that we had established months ago and that she felt that she could, out of convience, overlook the obligation that she had in making proper payment.

Which brings me to now, I write this to serve as a warning to any who would be approached by this enchantress. At the time of this post she has still not made good on her side of the agreement. Needless to say, I feel that I have been used. So now I pass on my experience to you, the reader. Be wary of the enchantress wanting to make agreements with you, for when the very minute occurs that you fall out of her good graces, by her decision, not by any fault of your own. She will decide to withhold her side of an agreement, just like any thief would. Personally, she is no longer trusted to even reply to a message, let alone be good on her payment. Now she has the choice, on making things right or by continuing to live with the guilt of having wronged someone who at one time called her friend.

So long and thanks for all the fish

2008-04-12T08:35:00.003-06:00

"You've wasted every moment of your Saturdays and your Sundays. You're wasted from the bordom, it was never supposed to be like this. Like your father said 'Just do what was done unto you, always' In your father's steps, you've done what was done unto you, it won't be hard to start again. So go on, if this'll make you happier. It got you this far, do what you have to...... One more inch, you son of a bitch. You've been a waste of my time, always. And now you're half awake, you bend till you break and make the same mistakes, always." --Guster 'Happier'

Well, I've been playing FFXI for about 5 years, it will be 5 in October, and the same character, Angela Dark, for 4 years this month. So in looking back I ask myself one question, "Was it worth it?" After all I had done 2 server hops, from Cerberus to Fenrir to Odin, got to level 66 of 75, Rank 6 in Windurst... But the crux of the matter is that I feel that I have made more enemies than friends. I started FFXI back in October, 2003 because of talk in a Final Fantasy RPG that I was in at the time. Some friends there have invited me to play on their server, Cerberus. 6 months pass and the fallout was complete. I was left alone fighting an unwinnable battle against the creator of the RPG, so another friend of mine introduced me to the Fenrir server, where I spent most of my time in FFXI. That was 4 years ago, since then, I have joined LBR and felt like there was some form of comradery and solidarity. Although this too was short lived as factions once again sprang up and I felt the pull to both sides, both wanting my unquestioning loyalty. Yet, being how I am, I opened my mouth, spouted off a few things that wasn't liked, things that were, I felt, standing for what I believed in. It was in this alone that caused me to be a sort of outcast, tossed aside like something unwanted.

And now that brings us to the now, as for FFXI, I have canceled my content IDs. No one cared about me in game, so if it goes three months, all of my possessions will be eliminated. It is just as well, I shall just fade away into the shadows without a sound. If you truely wish to find me, I will not be roaming the lands of Vana'diel any time soon, in the meantime, I roam a different land, the land of Azeroth.... To the WindyWarriors, InfamousDynasty, Guardiansofbalance, MithraPride, and EternalLegacy members who befriended me over the years, thank you for your kindness. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Further Clarification...... as if this was really needed

2008-03-04T09:18:00.002-07:00

"Hold fast to your friends. Be true to yourself. And stop trying to be just like somebody else... Be yourself. Play it loud. Raise your voice. Shout it out." --MxPx 'Play it Loud'

It was recently brought to my attention that perhaps some of you out there do not fully understand the purpose or my position with this blog. The answer is simple really. I wanted a space where I can be more at liberty to express my opinions and viewpoints about things that have been going on in my life. I firmly believe in the freedom of expression as long as it doesn't encroach on the rights to life, liberty and the persuit of happiness. With that said, there are some who have expressed anger at my thoughts and have jumped to wild conclusions about what I have written. For example, months ago, when I suggested LBR to shut down the forums so that the drama may stop.... Needless to say, it was a sarcastic remark. Which goes to prove a point that sarcasm isn't easily detected in the written word. I have always said that it is not what is said or in this case what is written, but it is always how it is interpreted that matters.

I have never claimed to know everything, nor have I claimed that my way is the best way of going about and doing things. But I do try to make the best with the cards I've been dealt. Mainly all the information I do get is reports from other people along with accounts from personal experience. I find it extremely ironic for people to accept other people for their quirks, habits and opinions, yet wish for me to someone that I'm not. I have a voice. I have a place where I can say my peice about things, regardless of whether or not it's the popular opinion. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you don't agree with anything written here, then you have choices when it comes to a course of action to respond. First, you can send me a message explaining why you disagree in a civil manner. I will not want to involve myself in a heated shouting match with arguments similar to "Ford is better than Chevy". Meaning if you are to choose this method of response, then back your claims up with proof... evidence and accounts from other people. Perhaps if your argument is sound, then I will gladly rethink my opinion. The other method of response is to simply, stop reading. Just deal with the fact that not everyone will agree with your way of thinking and move on, please.

As I have said before, I just call things as I see them, based in information that I have at the time. Does my mind change? Of course. I'm just a person who wishes to have their voice heard once in a while. I just want to be myself. Is that really too much to ask?

A response and an explanation

2008-02-15T21:01:00.002-07:00

"When I look into your eyes there's nothing there to see, nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me asking why. The sacrifice is never knowing why I stay when you just push away from me. No matter what you see, you're still so blind to me." --Linkin Park 'P5hng me A*wy'

In my inbox early this morning, I found a comment that was made about my last blog post. Actually, it was a comment about the last couple of posts that I have made. Now, this person knows who they are and I see no need to bring their name out for all to know. It just suffices me to say that there are some things in said note that deserves some explanation.

Faction: (n). a group or clique within a larger group, party, government, organization, or the like. -- Random House Unabridged Dictionary

The above definition was placed for the sole purpose as to where I got the claim of what some linkshells, that have been previously mentioned it this blog, are according to the main body that is the Limit Break Radio community. As you can see, the other linkshells, by virtue of definition, are indeed factions. Wikipedia goes further as to say that factions are banded together by a common idea, belief or opinion.

It was also said in the comment that I had first hand knowledge why people don't like KotC... Though now, I can add that I also know through first hand knowledge why people don't like VF as well. I suppose this calls for a brief history lesson about the events surrounding my current trip to Odin. I moved servers around Christmas time 2007. At the time I was pretty much involved with daily calls with members of the VF linkshell, who as previously mentioned convinced me to switch servers. Then, at the time I had posted on January 25th, 2008, the last call that I was involved in with them was dated January 15th, before that was January 12th, the daily calls stopped on January 9th. Then, as you can see, the daily calls went from that to once every few days, then nothing at all. It had been 10 days since the last call before my post titled "Angela Dark, in the dark."

In game, there were fewer acknowledgments of my presence. A request for bait in exchange for already delivered carp went ignored. Truth was, I was indeed feeling like I had been left in the dark. Then came outbursts on the LBR forums, the same person who left me a comment had unceremoniously dragged up old news about myself being involved with a popularity contest, calling that he had hoped that the community wouldn't sink that low again, but apparently their hopes and expectations were as they said "placed too high." That incident came only days after my post labeled "The Unfunny truth about the LBR forums."

If this same person is reading this post, then I would like to leave them with this response. What happened between myself and the owner of the webspace that previously had my blog on it is just that, something between me and them. It didn't need to have you involved. In addition, as I have told the leader of VF before, they have proven that I am not wanted in that linkshell as have the leaders of KotC. But I have learned from my previous experience from the first time I was on Odin. I have moved on to another linkshell. I am expecting that whatever you have against me stops at this time. If you truly believe that what I have to say is nonsense, then you do have the option to not read any of what I publish. The fact that you responded in such a manner to me, especially given the topic of the last post, is extremely ironic. Perhaps you should take your own advice and not assume things of which you know nothing or at least very little about. Just so you know, your comment was also forwarded to the powers that be at LBR. Personally, it would seem that your actions are giving your linkshell a "less than stellar reputation"

Blog moving day

2008-02-14T09:04:00.007-07:00

"I don't care where I belong no more. What we share or not I will ignore. And I won't waste my time fitting in. 'Cause I don't think contrast is a sin. No, it's not a sin." - Millencolin 'No Cigar'

Well, it seems that the owner of the webspace that this blog was on previously didn't approve of my viewpoints towards Limit Break Radio. So they gave me the news that I had one week to move my blog to somewhere other than their space, otherwise, I'll face that the blog will be deleted. As you can see, I've moved the blog fairly quickly to Blogger's space, all with a few clicks of a mouse.

I chose an old Punk song by Millencolin for my quote cause it really fits how I feel about the situation. I've tried fitting in and it hasn't worked, so I've moved on, it's not worth any time and effort for any further attempts. As I've said before, this is my second go around on the Odin server, I'm wiser from the first time, now I have found a group that I feel that I get along with. Fact is, even before this day came, I spoke in PM with the person who should have every right to be the most offended by what you see on this blog. That person is Aniero, I mean, LBR is his brainchild, it's what he produces and spends a lot of time and effort into doing. In speaking with him, he finds my views to be "interesting", though I couldn't help but ask if he feels that it should stop. He didn't want it to, in fact he encouraged me to continue with my blog. Yet the owner of the webspace previous to the move took it upon themselves to see that they are not associated with my opinions. I suppose in their opinion "Contrast is a sin", they went as far to say that my previous post offended them.

In fairness, I expected this day to come, I've been expecting it ever since the time of my last post. I willingly moved because I enjoy writing. I feel that there are people out there, where you are, that in some way enjoys reading about what I have to say. I could go far as to say that this is an example of censorship, and I'd have a good case to say that. But in the end it was the webhost's call and they requested that I move my opinions somewhere else. I feel that contrast is not a sin, it's not something to be shunned and put down. Instead it's something that should be listened to, to be understood. People may not like it, but it will always be out there. For what is love, without hate. What is pleasure, without pain. Light without dark. Yin without Yang. People are going to have a different opinions about things, and instead of pushing them away and rejecting them, why not take the time to listen and understand what's being said, for perhaps by doing that, you may find out something better that you didn't realize before. It's been said countless times "Ignorance is bliss", I for one am refusing to live in ignorance.

The unfunny truth about the LBR forums

2008-01-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to be doing this blog thing on a weekly basis, but this.... this just had to get out as soon as possible. It seems to me that all I hear nowadays about the LBR forums is how things have gone from bad to worse. With new rules being made up after new conflicts between members and moderators/admins, combined with recent stories about said conflicts. Here is my take on what I call "The unfunny truth about the LBR forums":

Currently, at the time of this post, there are 18 admin/moderators to govern a membership size supposedly of 900+. Though I would believe that the active members of the forums would be more or less about 50 maybe 100 if we stretch it. Now, I have always stuck to this saying of mine that there are two kinds of moderators on any forum you go to: Those that are there because of actual ability, and those that are there out of personal favor. Perhaps I should add a third classification to this: Those that are there to only show presence. In other words, people given admin or mod status but are there to "show" that the forums are being watched over. They look the part, but it's like the hired security guard for some office complexes, just there for show, not to actually do anything.

Plus, at the time of this post, you currently have a few factions within the community, the KnightsoftheChocobo and VanaFellowship. Now, all this is on one server, the so-called Mecca of Limit Break Radio, Odin. Everyone else in the community are either, on different servers, actually in the LBR linkshell, or have drifted to other linkshells, whether they be social, endgame or other. The two factions, KotC and VF for short, needless to say, they don't like each other, and this hate is increasing every day, yet linking this back to the forums, there are members of both factions as part of admin/mod staff. Given the history between them, would anyone think that it's possible for them to act as a singular unit? In other words, is it possible for people who can't stand each other to be on the same page? Quite simply, the answer is no. Mainly because of the ideas that they may not do what's good for the LBR community but what's good for their own side. Which gets some of the admin/mod staff to develop their own agendas instead of working for the common good. We get people who are "Guilty until proven otherwise". And currently, the hosts can do nothing now but talk to the admin/mod staff in an attempt to overturn any wrongdoing, since now the hosts have no admin/mod power.

One more thing, the admin/mod staff is now currently being lead by an intern to the show. Someone who is put down, burned and made fun of on a constant basis on the show, yet wishes for people to take him seriously when dealing with the forums. Sorry, that is not going to happen. As much as LBR, its hosts, interns and staff want that the forums remain a separate entity to the show, it's not going to happen. Members of the community on the forums are going to treat show personalities like they have been treated on the show. Which, personally, sheds light into the reasons why a 'former intern' left the show. I'll end with a conversation from a game called "Discworld" where the main character, Rincewind, asks the head master of the school of wizardry that he goes to for any advice:

Headmaster: "My advice to you my boy is to always expect, the unexpected"
Rincewind: "But how can it be unexpected if I'm always expecting it?"
Headmaster: "Good point. Therefore, my advice to you, is to always expect the expected"

Following this advice, I would expect interns to be treated badly anywhere under the umbrella that is LBR. I would expect for some admin/mod members to have their own agendas, given who they look out for. I would expect things to get a lot worse, if they are to ever get any better.

Angela Dark, in the dark

2008-01-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Seems it's been a while since I've placed paw to keyboard and typed out another entry. Well, the holidays went well, been spending a lot of quality hours at my job and getting some time in on FFXI. More recently I've been talking to some old friends on Skype and they have again persuaded me to rejoin them on their server. It goes well for a bit then soon, the calls just get fewer and fewer, along with the tells. I'm just wondering why this is becoming so. It all comes back to "people being on my side" whatever that means.... If it is true that I'm to feel a sense of solidarity with those that I assume are my friends, then why is it that I feel so in the dark about things in general?

As to the drama goings on with LBR, I think I may have reached it... closure, or at least something close to it. I got into a discussion with Aniero about my personal feelings and treatment that I had received by others under the Limit Break Radio umbrella. After I had said my peace, a private message comes to me a few hours later, seems he was thinking about our conversation. He told me that he wished to apologize, not only on his behalf but also on the behalf of LBR as a whole, for the actions of some of the community members. It was the fact that he, himself, didn't do anything that was wrong, yet he still felt that he needed to apologize about things that have happened under his watch. This earned him major respect points with me. Aniero and Sayl have been the most honest with me to this point. Seems some others within the community will need to face up and possibly tell me what role I play in relationships.

Gamewise, well, things got slow, I've gotten Dancer and Scholar, and at the time of this post, my Dancer is at level 16, I've also done some fishing and am now 325 out of 10000 carp for my Lu Shang's Rod.

Well, that's it for now, hopefully I can get to a more normal schedule of doing this.

Observations

2007-12-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a week from my last entry. I suppose now would be a good time to recount some of the things that have happened. Seems the only thing that has remained constant is the drama. Whether it be items surrounding a certain Paladin or the fact that it seems more people are becoming more short tempered on the forums, as seen with a less than courteous response to a problem raised by someone who doesn't use Internet Explorer when browsing a website. In the past, I have tried to bring up items that I felt needed consideration to website staff. And some of the responses I have received only seem to foster the kinds of attitudes that are seen on the forums. On here, I've been respectful to those that have been involved in disputes with not only myself but also with other people... To this day, I haven't named names, only given vague hints as to who they are, that only those who know of or are close to the situation know about whom I am talking. Anyway, in a conversation with a friend of mine, earlier this week, I was asked if I had found closure to the things that some members of the LBR community had done involving myself. I responded simply by saying that closure will never be a reality, simply because no one wishes to talk about things. I have pursued closure and I have gotten two warnings, in addition to information that people feel that I have been harassing them.

Have we truly sunk so far as a society and community that we closure to those that seek it? I've been told that there are more people on "my side" about the drama going on, if that is to be true, then why do I feel that at times I am the only one fighting against it? Personally, I'm tired of it. I've tried as best I can to help others see and all I got in return was nothing. The drama is going to continue, because people thrive on it. And it's those type of people and their attitudes that are fostered in the community. I've been told over and over that people are on my side. Now, as much as I would love to believe it, I feel that they are only lies at this point. No one in any sort of position cares to listen. At one point, the drama will come to a head, perhaps the community will collapse and when the dust clears the only words I will say to those that remain will be "I told you... and you didn't listen." Perhaps the drama won't stop, until I have left the community as a whole. And that day will come when one of two things happen: a) I say good bye to FFXI permanently or b) the servers are shut down.

Bottom line: Is it wrong to want that members of the community to respect each other and to at least be polite? For some I suppose it is, after all, as I've been told many times "That's just how they are"

My own worst enemy...

2007-11-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

Well, after talking to some people, I have come to this realization: I've been too hard on myself, and especially I've been too hard on others.... I've been trying to pin blame on others for my own problems.

Yeah, yeah, I know someone out there is thinking "well, duh", well, common sense isn't a strong point of mine. So, instead of making another thread on the LBR community boards, and risk my words being taken the wrong way... I'll post here how I feel about things currently.

Simply put, I made some mistakes, which I hope are forgiven someday. Yet, here's the deal, I know I'm going to make mistakes, the problem is, perhaps I don't see it as a mistake right away. That's where you come in, if I slip up, please, I ask you to talk to me sometime following things, after things have settled. I don't want to see things go on and on for weeks and months at a time, it's not good for anyone involved. Plus, it helps me avoid further mistakes along with further embarrassment. After all, I won't know what needs fixing if I don't know what's broken... Thanks.. =^.^=

Lonliness, rumors, among other things

2007-11-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see. Nothing but my own mistakes, staring back at me, asking why. --Linkin Park "P5hng me a*wy"

Well, I've been a week removed from my business trip to Colorado. My job is fine yet I would think my social status in certain circles has taken hits. Seems that not many, after my arrival back home, have offered to speak with me. Personally, I find it a bit strange that my absence over two weeks would change people's hearts and minds so much... Though given the drama that's occurred over the past few months, it may be a bit expected. Still, it was yet another cold reception, even after I was told to step away from things for a while... I suppose now I have the choice of stepping away on a more permanent basis, or trying to work my way back into the swing of things. In the past, I've tried both methods in the past with similar groups, seems the only thing that works is just stepping away and moving on.

People have told me not to take things so serious and to let others be who they are. Yet, it seems those same people choose not to accept me for who I am. Ironic isn't it? I've made mistakes, mainly because I'm human and prone to make them. Oh well, people will say and do what they please. I'm no longer here to please anyone. I tried so hard to do so in the past, be the good little kitten I'm 'supposed' to be. That time has passed, and if others don't like it, then that's really not my problem, not anymore. The hypocrites can stand behind their "That's the way they are" type of mentality. I no longer care, as sad as that type of talk is, it's the truth. I've tried to be nice, I've tried to bend to the will of others only to receive criticism from all sides. I'm done. It's over. I've tried to talk things out, I've tried to apologize, only a few wish to listen anymore. To the others, personally, you've had enough time.

There you go, you never ask why, it's all a big lie, whatever you do. You think you're special, but I know and I know and I know and we know that you're not. You're always there to point out my mistakes and shove them in my face, it's like I'm the one you love to hate but not today. So shut up shut up shut up, don't wanna hear it, get out get out get out get out of my way, step up step up step up, you'll never stop me, nothing you say today is going to bring me down... --Simple plan "Shut up"

Drama follows me...

2007-11-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

As some may now know, I'm now home from two weeks in beautiful Fort Collins, CO. Training went well, but there was a ton of drama at the hotel mostly. One of the classmates quit for personal reasons, and the rest just seemed to have a new wrinkle develop everyday. All in all, with the drama aside, it was a good 2 weeks, definately prepared me somewhat for the task that lies ahead, a job as Customer Service Technician working for Verizon Wireless. Though in retrospect, it made me realize about my position in life and the truth is, I don't have it so bad as I say or think I do. I've got family and friends who support me despite the mistakes and errors of my ways. I got to thinking that perhaps I do try to take things too seriously. If that's true, then I've been like that most of my life. The real question is, how do I unlearn that behavior and learn to relax more?

New job

2007-10-28T11:16:00.000-06:00

Well, as some may know, I started a new job last week. I now get to work in a Verizon Wireless store in my town as a techinical support rep, doing repairs and other things. It pays well, but right now I'm in Fort Collins, CO for two weeks of training, so that means.... No FFXI for me, at least until this next weekend. Though I'm not complaining for once, the accomedations here are very nice, and the company I work for pays for most everything. Anyway, this posting is basically for those who wonder where I have been for the past little while. After this week, I get to spend time in another store, observing then I get to work in the store I was assigned to. So my return to this may be in a couple of weeks. Who knows.

The solution

2007-10-20T09:25:00.000-06:00

"End sexism and racism. Kill all the white males." -protestwarrior.com

I browse the forums of limitbreakradio.com every day it seems. Always looking to see what's new, what's happening, and lately seems all I see is a drama build up. Whether it's a popularity contest, art, discussions on how to play a certain job, there's disagreement to the point where people have left the forums for other interests.

I have the solution to end it all: Close down the forums entirely

Keep the show going as usual, updating it and so on, having new episodes, new ideas and the like, just be rid of the forums. I've said on the forums before that participation on them is a privilege, not a right and privileges can be taken away with or without notice. See, without the forums, the Limit Break Radio staff and administrators of the forums will see the drama come to an end. Granted, with this solution comes the drawback that all people will do on the website is check for new episodes, it would distance the community from the hosts of the show. Yet, it seems that the community will not learn until they have to do without for some time.

Frustration and Recollection

2007-10-19T22:44:00.001-06:00

Well, I suppose this is as good of time as any to get into some meat and bones of what's been happening. Some of you may know that I have changed servers again in FFXI, moving from Odin to my original home server of Fenrir. I just want to take some time to recap what has been going on that lead me to that decision, plus some things that have happened since the decision to move back.

Originally my move to Odin was to be closer to certain individuals and to get into a massive linkshell community, which would lead into me getting help with certain items, quests, missions and the like. In reality, what happened was anything but helpful. In the past few months, to summarize my experiences I had gotten into about a half dozen fights, some of them with people I had considered to be close friends. I also was on the receiving end of a number of jabs and insults, was shown very little respect. I'm happy to say that most of that stopped with the move to Fenrir. But it didn't completely stop. Soon after the move, I realized that I had become involved in a community popularity contest, set in a style of matches like College Basketball's Final Four tournament. 64 people, single elimination, 63 matches to determine the ultimate winner. The person I drew in the first round didn't know that he was involved. Upon receiving word that he was, he wished to withdraw from the contest. He was not allowed. I pleaded with the tournament organizer, along with a staff member of the forum to see if he would be allowed to withdraw. I was harshly denied. From this I had received word that a few people I had discussed the tournament with at length made reports of harassment to forum staff.

I would like to express an apology to those who felt that I was acting in a harassing manner. Just seems people like to think for some reason that I can't be told directly. Personally, I'd rather hear things up front, than to hear them from some other source. As for the fights, some I have worked out, others haven't yet. Ironically enough some of the people that I argued with defend others with the mentality of "well, that's just the way they are" and "he's just always been like that" which is usually followed up with "people don't change for anything". Even though, I have seen many examples of peoples attitudes, behaviors and even complete lifestyles change due to the influence of one or a few people.

A retired juvenile court judge once said to me, "Friends are worth their weight in gold." If people would rather choose friends that take pleasure in insulting others and putting them down, then I would much rather not be a part of that circle of friends.

I hope this entry clarifies my position on where I stand on a few things. I don't expect miracles to happen. I only can tell my side of things.

Welcome! =^.^=

2007-10-19T13:48:00.000-06:00

Well, now that this is up and running and everything looks good, it's now time to welcome you to my blog! /cheer Alright, down to business, first, I'd like to thank Psylight of the Odin server for providing me with the space so I can have a website. Next, I suppose I should discuss what the purpose of this site, or at least what I hope will be the purpose of this. See, I'd like to just have my own little space for people to read my thoughts and opinions on things. Granted, everyone may not agree with my thoughts, feelings, opinions or whatever, and you are entitled to make your own opinion. If you feel that there is a need to correct something that I have said, please let me know via e-mail. Just know that any sites or anything of a corporate nature that's mentioned on this blog really isn't their responsibility. It's my responsibility actually, given that, all mail should be directed to me, instead of any other entity or staff thereof, for they can't do much and in turn will just make me frustrated if I have to hear it from them that you have a problem. I'm here to listen, but I don't want added frustration. Bottom line: I'll respect you and your position, though you will also need to respect me and my position. Anyway, until next time, don't take any wooden gil, but if you do, make sure it's in the stash that's easily stolen by prying thieves.